Magazine Malfunctions

I don't remember exactly when I started my subscription to Parenting magazine. I think it was sometime after my first child was born - a neighborhood kid was selling subscriptions as a school fundraiser. Wanting to do all I could to be a good mom I figured a whole magazine dedicated to the subject would be a perfect addition to our household. Each month since then the magazine is delivered to our mailbox by our chain smoking mailman...ironic isn't it.

In the beginning I looked forward to its arrival. I anxiously awaited the new tidbits of information it would share with me. Being a working mother, the only time I had to read it was in the bathroom, so it also come to symbolize my one well deserved bathroom break a day. I always started from page one and read straight through. Surely each article was worth my attention and of course the editors had put so much thought into its production that the least I could do was give it my full attention.

As time went on, I gradually I became a little skeptical of some of the article. Suggesting my one year would devour wheat germ and guava juice if I offered it caused me to raise an eyebrow...wheat germ?? I don't think so. Then there was the article about summer travel that came complete with a picture of a child bent over the front seat of a station wagon. Not only were her legs wide open, but they chose to put her in a bathing suit that looked like underwear. Really?? This is the best picture we could find for this article?? Then there was an article that suggests daily walks in the woods? Hay editors...ever hear of ticks and nap schedules?? Come on, we mom's do our best, but suggesting a Survivorman mentality is a bit much if you ask me.

Now that I am more confident in my parenting (or maybe just too tired to wonder) I can say I look more discerningly at the magazine. My latest chuckle between the periodical's covers was an article on fevers. The article made sense to me...most fevers do not need medicine. The body needs time to work naturally. A natural approach usually sits well with me. The part that did not was the perfectly made up model who was playing the mother. She is probably all of 22 with perfect makeup complete with smokey eyes that would make Angelina Jolie jealous. Her lips have that "I just retouched my lip gloss" look that Paris Hilton made famous. Her hair is perfectly colored in a rich brown that every brunette yearns for styled into long loose curls. (I think it even had some shimmer to it!) To top it all off, her nails are perfectly manicure because every mother has time to do those nails while they are caring for a sick child!! Come on Parenting really?? It's not enough that like most mothers I spend 23 hours a day worrying that I'm doing the best job I can. Now I have to look at Little Miss Perfectly Made up Mother while I try to glean more knowledge from your magazine. No wonder the average mother of toddlers just let themselves go without makeup and cut their hair into the standard man's haircut. How can we compete so why bother!?!?

I understand the magazine does not want to use old Mother Hubbard as their model, but do we really need to look at the cover model from last months Cosmopolitan while we are dealing with hormonal imbalances and anxiety about raising our children? I'm just saying give us a break...after all poop and puke are enough to deal with on precious little sleep.