I didn't realize when I gave birth 3 years ago that it would be encumbered upon me and my husband to teach our children every little thing about life. Sure, I knew we would have to teach basic skills like talking, reading, potty training and so on. Only recently did I realize how far we would have to take our jobs.
Last month, my girls were quietly playing on the living room floor. All was going well and the three of us were enjoying our evening when suddenly Rhu passed gas. I realized I had to start teaching her social manners so I nonchalantly asked her to say Excuse Me. She looked at me with a puzzled expression as if to say, "Huh?" So I proceed to try to explain what just happened. In my best adult voice trying hard not laugh I told her how when someone passes gas they need to say excuse me. I stressed that it was no big deal and foolishly expected her to understand. When my explanation failed to clear everything up, plan B suddenly dawned on me. I had a little gas of my own to pass, so I took one for the team. In front of my puzzled kids, I broke wind and quickly explained how that was passing gas. Then, as I'm sure all baby experts would do, I quickly followed up with an Excuse me to reinforce the lesson. Thankfully we made it the rest of the night without anymore gas talk.
It wasn't until 3 days later I would realize the can of worms I had opened. I had to take the girls to church on a weekday to fulfill our religious obligations. My mother accompanied me and the four of us chose seats in a pew toward the back of the church. We no sooner got settled in and mass began. The girls were quiet and respectful. Rhu stood in front of me and while RaRa cuddled into her grandma. Just as the organ music died down, I had to pass gas. Being pregnant this is not uncommon. So, I did the deed thinking the music would muffle my shame. Unfortunately, my timing was a bit off and Rhu was the perfect height to hear my one woman symphony. Without missing a beat, she turned around, pointed at me and announced, "That's pass gas!" The expression on her face was priceless. She looked as if she finally grasped the concept of calculus. I almost died and of course church was completely silent now. There was no where to go and I erupted in shameful laughter. I've never been so embarrassed and so proud in my whole life! My almost three year old got a concept I quickly taught her just days earlier, but on the other hand, now all of church knew my shame!
To add to my embarrassment, Rhu then proceeded to wrinkle up her nose while sniffing around. She then pronounced, "That smells." The look of disgust on her face put me right over the edge. I couldn't stop laughing and tried my hardest to compose myself to no avail. Without missing a beat, RaRa asked, "What's that noise?" My afternoon was complete and as soon as church was over, I called my husband to share how biologically advanced our kids were.
Now, every time Rhu passes gas, she announces it like a badge of honor. If she only knew...
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