I didn't realize when I gave birth 3 years ago that it would be encumbered upon me and my husband to teach our children every little thing about life. Sure, I knew we would have to teach basic skills like talking, reading, potty training and so on. Only recently did I realize how far we would have to take our jobs.
Last month, my girls were quietly playing on the living room floor. All was going well and the three of us were enjoying our evening when suddenly Rhu passed gas. I realized I had to start teaching her social manners so I nonchalantly asked her to say Excuse Me. She looked at me with a puzzled expression as if to say, "Huh?" So I proceed to try to explain what just happened. In my best adult voice trying hard not laugh I told her how when someone passes gas they need to say excuse me. I stressed that it was no big deal and foolishly expected her to understand. When my explanation failed to clear everything up, plan B suddenly dawned on me. I had a little gas of my own to pass, so I took one for the team. In front of my puzzled kids, I broke wind and quickly explained how that was passing gas. Then, as I'm sure all baby experts would do, I quickly followed up with an Excuse me to reinforce the lesson. Thankfully we made it the rest of the night without anymore gas talk.
It wasn't until 3 days later I would realize the can of worms I had opened. I had to take the girls to church on a weekday to fulfill our religious obligations. My mother accompanied me and the four of us chose seats in a pew toward the back of the church. We no sooner got settled in and mass began. The girls were quiet and respectful. Rhu stood in front of me and while RaRa cuddled into her grandma. Just as the organ music died down, I had to pass gas. Being pregnant this is not uncommon. So, I did the deed thinking the music would muffle my shame. Unfortunately, my timing was a bit off and Rhu was the perfect height to hear my one woman symphony. Without missing a beat, she turned around, pointed at me and announced, "That's pass gas!" The expression on her face was priceless. She looked as if she finally grasped the concept of calculus. I almost died and of course church was completely silent now. There was no where to go and I erupted in shameful laughter. I've never been so embarrassed and so proud in my whole life! My almost three year old got a concept I quickly taught her just days earlier, but on the other hand, now all of church knew my shame!
To add to my embarrassment, Rhu then proceeded to wrinkle up her nose while sniffing around. She then pronounced, "That smells." The look of disgust on her face put me right over the edge. I couldn't stop laughing and tried my hardest to compose myself to no avail. Without missing a beat, RaRa asked, "What's that noise?" My afternoon was complete and as soon as church was over, I called my husband to share how biologically advanced our kids were.
Now, every time Rhu passes gas, she announces it like a badge of honor. If she only knew...
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Real Diva's Deliver
I'm tired.... Not just the usual tired that comes along with have two toddlers under the age of three and another baby on the way not to mention working full time and being a wife. The kind of tired I'm talking about is the tired that comes along when your brain can no longer process the information it is receiving. I just read an article that revealed some details behind the birth of Jay-Z and Beyonce's baby.
It seems these first time parents felt the need to rent out an entire floor of the Lenox Hill hospital in NYC where the baby was born for privacy and security. Really...the entire floor?? I know this kid is being born to legends, but come on!! Surprisingly, that is not what I find most disappointing. It's the fact that Beyonce had a scheduled c-section. Now, I will be the first to admit, I never made it to one pre-natal visit and maybe Mrs. Jay-Z had a medical problem that forced a c-section...I will never know. But, what I do know is just like celebs before her, it takes the very natural act of giving birth and makes it about convenience. I have had enough. That's right I have had enough. I know plenty of woman who have had them and in a few cases the surgical procedure was necessary to protect the health and well being of both mother and child. But, in far too many cases the convenience factor played far too big a role.
I am dumbfounded to understand how a human can be so obtuse to think they should pick the day their child should be born. Mother Nature has been handling this task for thousands of years with medical meddling and scheduled c-sections. Babies know far better than would be parents and doctors when it is time to be born. It is so arrogant of our culture to think we know better just so we can have a baby at a time that is convenient for all participants. Hay doc...the golf course will still be there tomorrow. Not to mention the fact that if you wanted a scheduled work life as a doctor...maybe you should have become an ENT.
It also irritates me to hear c-section mothers complain about how hard it was... I know having your belly sliced open and your guts lay on your chest is difficult, but come talk to me about hours of uncomfortable and excruciating labor. Feeling all your muscles stretch and contract and your birth canal grow a full 10 cm bit by bit as your baby bears down on some of the most sensitive parts of the human body. Talk to me about your casual check in to the hospital during "normal" hours and I will tell you about having to drive to the hospital while having painful contractions, worrying about your water breaking in the car, feeling every slight bump in the road, and waiting in the reception area of the emergency room while someone from maternity (which is located on the complete opposite end of the hospital) moseys down with a wheel chair to bring you to the labor and delivery ward. I will tell you about trying to maintain composure while writhing in pain on the uncomfortable reception chairs as people look at you oddly.
I could go on, but you get my point. To me, a real diva is someone who can put her needs aside and bring her baby into this world on the babies terms. Without the intervention of some doctor who is too impatient to wait for the baby to be ready. Woman of America want to profess their strength-that they are liberated and can be as tough as men. I say prove it. Take the hard way out and embrace your true womanhood.
It seems these first time parents felt the need to rent out an entire floor of the Lenox Hill hospital in NYC where the baby was born for privacy and security. Really...the entire floor?? I know this kid is being born to legends, but come on!! Surprisingly, that is not what I find most disappointing. It's the fact that Beyonce had a scheduled c-section. Now, I will be the first to admit, I never made it to one pre-natal visit and maybe Mrs. Jay-Z had a medical problem that forced a c-section...I will never know. But, what I do know is just like celebs before her, it takes the very natural act of giving birth and makes it about convenience. I have had enough. That's right I have had enough. I know plenty of woman who have had them and in a few cases the surgical procedure was necessary to protect the health and well being of both mother and child. But, in far too many cases the convenience factor played far too big a role.
I am dumbfounded to understand how a human can be so obtuse to think they should pick the day their child should be born. Mother Nature has been handling this task for thousands of years with medical meddling and scheduled c-sections. Babies know far better than would be parents and doctors when it is time to be born. It is so arrogant of our culture to think we know better just so we can have a baby at a time that is convenient for all participants. Hay doc...the golf course will still be there tomorrow. Not to mention the fact that if you wanted a scheduled work life as a doctor...maybe you should have become an ENT.
It also irritates me to hear c-section mothers complain about how hard it was... I know having your belly sliced open and your guts lay on your chest is difficult, but come talk to me about hours of uncomfortable and excruciating labor. Feeling all your muscles stretch and contract and your birth canal grow a full 10 cm bit by bit as your baby bears down on some of the most sensitive parts of the human body. Talk to me about your casual check in to the hospital during "normal" hours and I will tell you about having to drive to the hospital while having painful contractions, worrying about your water breaking in the car, feeling every slight bump in the road, and waiting in the reception area of the emergency room while someone from maternity (which is located on the complete opposite end of the hospital) moseys down with a wheel chair to bring you to the labor and delivery ward. I will tell you about trying to maintain composure while writhing in pain on the uncomfortable reception chairs as people look at you oddly.
I could go on, but you get my point. To me, a real diva is someone who can put her needs aside and bring her baby into this world on the babies terms. Without the intervention of some doctor who is too impatient to wait for the baby to be ready. Woman of America want to profess their strength-that they are liberated and can be as tough as men. I say prove it. Take the hard way out and embrace your true womanhood.
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