Bubble Gum

Growing up my eldest brother always moaned that I got to chew gum in the womb. It was a frequent complaint that was meant to illustrate the unfairness of life as the oldest sibling. He always had to wait for privileges like gum chewing and curfews while I enjoyed them at a much quicker rate.

These comments throughout my childhood were as commonplace as cartoons on Saturday mornings and freeze tag in the playground. I never gave them a lot of thought other than oh well, sucked to be you until I had a child. Scratch that...until I had the second child. I find myself obsessing over being fair to both children. I try to look at situations from each child's prospective. It would be an understatement if I said this latest compulsion that consumes my life.

Growing up the attitudes of RHIP (rank has its privileges) and first up-best dressed ruled our large family. My parents and older brothers firmly believed in the pecking order. For a while as a child I thought my oldest brother was a third parent. I'm pretty sure he felt that way too until I was well into my twenties. It seemed he had as much to say when it came to raising me as my parents did. Looking back, he was doing his job as the oldest. A job he took seriously from the day I was brought home from the hospital and he placed a football helmet on my head for protection. I always thought I appreciated his efforts. I never realized how difficult a job he was dealt just for being the first fastest swimmer in our family. Until now that is... I look at my oldest child everyday and pray she takes her job just as seriously.

It was a hot summer day when we learned Rhu would become an older sister. She was barely 6 months old when we began to tell her about the baby growing in my belly. She often laid on my stomach and as it grew I purposefully told her that she was going to be a big sister and that it was a very important job. Her first assignment as a big sister was to announce the news to the grandparents. She took to this job very well...a sure sign she was up to the task of being the oldest. At six months she babbled very well and even spoke some words, but to say a sentence was a bit much to ask of her. We made a sign that said, "I'm Going to be a Big Sister" and attached it to her shirt. God forbid stores made Big Sister shirts in a size below 4T. Rhu performed her task with enthusiasm and the crowd loved it.

As the months passed and she made the word BABY a sort of mantra, I felt more and more confident she would be able to handle the transition. Finally the time came when RaRa made her debut in this world. I went into labor just as it was Rhu's bath time, but being the practical person I am I bathed my child and put her to bed without letting her know what was about to happen...why alarm a 14 month old? After many hours of contractions and pain our second child was born and so was and elder sibling-figuratively.

The timing could not have been better. RaRa and I were ready to receive visitors mid morning when Rhu would be at her best. I'll never forget hearing the sound of new baby shoes on the maternity ward floor getting louder as she got closer to our room. The cheerful giggle as she walked in and the word "Baby" shouted in delight as Rhu saw her baby sister for the first time. There was no mistaking. This kid was made to be a big sister. Her loving curiosity pulled at the heartstrings and the first hug she ever offered her little sister came from a place of pure love that only children know of. She confirmed my belief that she would be the best loving and protective older sibling in 29 years. I believe if she had a football helmet she would have placed it on RaRa's head for protection just like her uncle.

I'm sure in years to come Rhu will feel her life is unfair since she had to wait to play with crayons until she was 20 months old and RaRa did it at 10 months. Or perhaps her curfews will be harder than any subsequent children. I hope she always takes her job as oldest just as seriously. Life is not fair and we will try to do the best we can.