Mine

I am a music person. Heart and soul through and through I love music. Almost any instance of my life I can relate to a song lyric. I can pick up and memorize song lyrics like a fish takes to water. It's my special useless talent. Well, maybe it's not completely useless...it helps me sort through life from time to time.

I am no country music lover, but after many years with my husband I have grown to appreciate the genre. I even find myself adding some country songs to my iTunes catalogue. Recently a song that could be considered country but more mainstream these days has really made me think about my babies. It's a song about young love, but has touched my heart strings. The part that hits me every time says, "You are the best thing that's ever been mine." Every time I hear it I see their little angel faces and think that's exactly the way I feel. They are the best things that have ever been mine. I know the song is meant for a couple in love, but I think artistic license can be taken.

From the word go I have been in love with my children. I remember nervously taking my first pregnancy test. It was the Tuesday after Mother's Day 2008. On Mother's Day I woke up early. My husband and I started a tradition of having our families over our house so our moms didn't do any work. I wanted to do some set-up and plant a small hosta in the front yard before church. I felt dizzy as I went about my work. I even stopped to have the dry heaves like a college kid at after a frat party. I figured I was probably tired and didn't think it was possible that my husband and I succeed in our goal so quickly. We are both likable enough people, but really who in their right mind would let us have a kid to raise? My compulsions are enough to nominate me for the revival of the Monk character.

I spent the day consumed in Mothers and hosting guests while lost in the thought that next year I just might be one of them. In my mind I was like a fat kid waiting for the bakery to open. I salivated at the chance of having someone to love from the start. Someone who I would be there from the beginning with and for. Someone to watch grow and blossom. I never experienced that in my life. I am the youngest of a large family and was never close enough to anyone that had a child to share their experience from a front row seat.

As Mother's Day came to a close and my husband and I finished cleaning up I shared my suspicion with him. He suggested to me in a calm and playful tone that perhaps I should go "pee on a stick." Never one for flowering verbiage, his demeanor was one of well let's find out. I knew from my vast research on pregnancy and babies that pregnancy tests are meant to be done first thing in the am. This left out Monday since stores were already closed.

The next day I continued my wondering if I was right. I passed several drug stores thinking I should stop and buy a test so I would have it. I even ventured into Walgreen's to get one. The price almost knocked my on my rear...I'm so frugal that I figured it would be cheaper to just wait for my period. I promptly left the store indignant at the price of the confirmation of a new life. I wondered how much it cost in the old days to just kill the bunny?

My workday finished and the rain continued to fall. I tried to distract myself by watching my old pals The Golden Girls. But, eventually my curiosity got to me and I climbed into my beloved Jeep for the 2 mile drive to Wal-Mart. I figured Wal-Mart would have the cheapest prices...ever the penny pincher. I felt somewhat embarrassed to be purchasing a pregnancy test...the good Catholic girl in me was nervous people would know what I did...EEAKKK!! I clutched my watched and twisted my wedding rings while I nervously compared pregnancy tests. It was really a sight if you didn't know me. I looked like a high school student at a drug store on prom night. (Not that I know what that's like mind you...I just watch t.v.)

After the trauma of buying the telltale test I hurried home. Oh what little I knew of all the embarrassment waiting for me on the journey called gestation. Knowing now that purchasing the pregnancy test experience would pale in comparison of giving birth in the embarrassment arena, I probably would have announced my purchase with a megaphone.

Needless to say, I took the test the next morning. I rechecked the results several times before waking my husband to share the good news. We created life and the baby would be ours. Fewer experiences match up to learning that you will be meeting the person who you will help shape and mold. The person who will see you into old age. The person you will love unconditionally forever. This feeling was just as bold the second time I took a pregnancy test. I knew we created life again as well as a life long friend for our first child.

So, I guess it's easy to see why I shed a tear when I hear, "You are the best thing that's ever been mine." They really are. They bring me back to center when the world gets to me. I am not a perfect person, but I always want them to be proud of me and this drives me to strive for better. When I'm tired, this song reminds me to keep pushing, keep working, keep loving. They took me by surprise...I will never leave them alone. They made a mother out of a careful man's compulsive daughter.